Last weekend we went to Westport's Ric Rac craft fair, thanks to Shea's suggestion. It was a hot one but the crafting was unique and we enjoyed getting out. The highlight came at the end. We waited in line for a good bit, long enough to see others leave their spots because they couldn't take the pressure (just kidding, she was pregnant and carrying a toddler on her large baby belly). We persevered and enjoyed our first experience with Fresher Than Fresh, "Kansas City's 1st all natural snow cone stand on wheels". There are several flavors to pick from, but Maasen treated lil' Cass and me to a smorgasbord of flavors: ric rac raspberry, in honor of the craft gathering; espresso and mexican cane sugar, my pick; watermelon basil, Big Cass tried this one herself; blackberry lavender, for Lil' Cass; and green tea pear, Maasen digs all things tea. They were delicious, but I think I enjoyed it most because of the people we were with. In all reality it's just flavored ice. The concept is great, but I'm waiting for Shea to come up with her own flavors. Obviously Cassidy enjoyed it, and thanks to Maasen she got the last drop of her outrageously bright pink colored iced.

Her Works Praise Her: A History of Jewish Women in America from Colonial Times to the Present

I finished a dense volume of Jewish women in America by Hasia Diner this month. At times I could only read a page or two at a time, but that was mostly because I was so tired. Her analysis of the change of Judaism in America opened my eyes to the power and beauty that lies with being a woman, the one who leads the home into Sabbath and who also makes sure things run smoothly and the bills get paid. Here are some excerpts from the books, as well as some famous Jewish women (and men). I've decided to break this up into installments; it will be easier for me to post and you people will probably read it if it's not ten pages.



The central, beating heart is the Jewish home, indeed an entire network of Jewish homes that creates the Sabbath atmosphere, the festive rituals, the necessary foods, and the spiritual sustenance that constitute the Jewish conception of holiness. Only a house cleaned and polished in honor of the holy day, only a table covered with a starched cloth and laden with traditional delicacies, only the presence of possibility f children to carry on the tradition, affords the necessary complement to the ritual of the synagogue. (5-6)

But we do know for sure that colonial Jews kept another central element of traditional piety, the dietary laws. For a woman trying to provide her family kosher food, everything to do with their sustenance rises to the realm of the holy. Going to the market, raising chickens in the yard, churning butter and making cheese, seasoning a cut of meat, turning it on the spit, planning a day's meals, setting the table, clearing the dirty dishes, washing, drying and putting them away -- each of these deceptively ordinary acts brings her in touch with ultimate law of the Universe, as commanded by G-d and written in the Torah. (35)

And as in earlier days, some Gentile wives embraced Judaism. European-born Marcus Spiegel, for example, met a Quaker girl named Caroline on his peddling rounds in Ohio. They married and he brought her to Chicago, where in 1853 she became one of the city's first Jewish converts. Eleven years later Marcus died in the Civil War battle of Vicksburg, but Caroline remained loyal to her new faith for the rest of her days. (At the time of his death, Marcus was intending to go into business with his brother Joseph. Joseph went ahead and opened the planned store, which eventually grew into the Spiegel catalog company.) (91)

we went to lawrence and got amazing cheeseburgers and then cass rode this dinky old carousel. no music, so sam sang a song for her. the dialogue at the end is about how tom ordered a double shot of espresso and the barista asked, "for here or to go?" he should have turned around and walked away, like sam did, but he didn't. he got a quad shot (the barista's interpretation of a double shot) and it was pretty undrinkable. and really hilarious.

and then we went to worlds of fun. and she rode a real carousel, with music. and she sang her own song. it's hard to hear her singing, but it was about loving her horses. she sang the whole ride, which isn't surprising. she could sing about anything, for days. 

one night sam and some other boys came over to watch soccer with tom. they found the starburst jelly beans and started to snack on them. the candy quickly dwindled in number until i told them to stop eating them. the next time sam showed up he got an earful from little cass.he took one for the team. and then the absence of his beard settled in and she had to get her mind around that.

since cass did such a good job being brave in the swimming pool she got a special treat: spongebob squarepants on a stick. she only ate about three bites, but truly enjoyed the gumball eyes. some photos of her enjoying a sweet treat.

our kids' knowledge of spongebob comes from uncle joe. the only time they've seen the show is with him. we would see spongebob stuff somewhere and it always reminded wyatt of "unka jo".

canoeamericana is about our family, even as it changes in size. as i'm changing the look i scrolled down to see how the background looked and there he is, talking to maas. and playing on the bed. and squatting by the zi-zi plant. there he is. it's hard to see him smiling, but i love it. i hope you do, too.

i am going to keep canoeamericana about our family, our daily life. i recognize that our sadness is part of our lives; every morning we wake up thinking about him and we go to bed missing him. the 14th of every month is filled with longing and the 24th is covered in sadness. you can read about how we are journeying through this intense sadness, the absence of our sons, at http://www.mayhemakepeaceuponus.blogspot.com/, or by clicking on the link to the right, the world to come.

here on this blog i will post pictures and stories about our living, the moments with cassidy, our garden, our friends. feel free to scroll through and smile at wy-guy when you're missing him. he is a beautiful boy.

one day when i was grieving his absence and questioning the L-rd i said to big cass, i know that the L-rd gives and He takes away, but why? why did He give me such a wonderful boy only to take him away.

"to enjoy him." that's what she said. wisdom. don't let the confusion of why did G-d take wyatt from all of us separate you from experiencing the L-rd's love. He is mysterious and divine. His ways are not our ways. if they were then wyatt and zeke would be napping in their beds right now. but things have not played out my way. perhaps we need to ask the L-rd about what we are supposed to be learning from this sadness.

what are you learning?

this is a temporary change. i like the idea of the coffee in the background. let's face it, we are pulling some delicious shots in this house currently. we hope to expand soon to downtown merriam. look for it.

but to be honest, the newspaper with the stocks on it kind of ruins the background for me. when we did get the paper i savored the funny pages.

where am i? i'm sitting on my couch, having just finished maasen's new blog layout. thanks to some help from the big c i think i'm pleased with it. check it out: http://maasenphotography.blogspot.com/

we are busy beyond belief over here. even the nights that we don't have anything scheduled turn out to be full. tonight is one of those, although one could argue that there was something scheduled on the calendar: maasen's last game of the regular season. after torrential rains the night before, the field cleared out and the double header was on.

(i realize this is a baseball field...)

i love going to games for several reasons:

1) maas is my gal and i like supporting her

2) maas is my gal and i like to see her in her element (she's kind of a big deal with those girls)

3) it's my alma mater
4) it's outside

5) i get to show off my adorable children

6) i get to spoil my adorable children (don't tell tom)

the huskies went 1-1 tonight, which was a nice little ending for them, although we left before they actually won the second game. we also got to see maas's mom and brother, double bonus. it is strange to talk with them since they are both "maasens" but i call her "maasen" and they call her "ang" or "angela". i found myself switching over to ang for the sake of being on the same page. we also got to interact a little bit with her friend coach b and some of the players. i got a little caught up in the game so i hope i was encouraging and the look of sadness (they lost the first game 7-1) wasn't too apparent when i saw them.

i'm hoping to get out to their regional game next week where they will upset whatever team they play and continue on to win the state title... a girl can dream, can't she?!

here the kids are talking with their favorite coach. this was taken at the last game we went to when cass bit it on the concrete ramp pretty badly. christy the trainer, the woman in the left of the picture, helped out and gave her a band-aid. she tried to give her some cool purple wrap but cass was beside herself with the injury. the scrape has healed and has since been replaced by other ouchies.

variety's the very spice of life, that gives it all its flavor- william cowper.

today was a beautiful day. warm sun, cool breeze; we felt it through our windows. but today i needed to get some things done inside and that means not playing outside. beautiful weather is a great distraction. i said that.

so i convinced the kids that playing on my bed was an exciting change from playing elsewhere in the house. and they believed me. i also pulled out their lunchboxes which contain special toys. i keep certain toys in these roy rogers/dale evans lunchboxes and then put the boxes on my dresser. when we go to broadway or somewhere that i want them to be able to occupy themselves i pull out the boxes. and it worked again. there are the typical dolls for cassie and some astronauts for wyatt. but then there are some different characters, like the animals with interchangable body parts. they are an odd but intriguing distraction. they played on the bed long enough for me to eat breakfast and get the kitchen cleaned. another small success in the book of motherhood.

the influence of big cass

it's time to plant. i'm sure you've all been digging in the dirt this week, or at least itching to, and so have i. although i had it on good authority from a family tree nursery employee that it would be safe to plant my vegetable garden, i didn't jump the gun. i'm sure the freezing temperatures are long gone, but the torrential downpours that destroyed my lettuce have made me a little gun-shy. therefore i only put in onions, figuring they would be safe underground for a while. turns out i was right and here they are, starting to pop up:

i'm pretty excited they're showing their little green heads. these bulbs were given to me by a friend, who got them from another friend, so i wasn't intending to plant onions, but i'm blessed by them nonetheless (is that really a word? is it a compounded compound?). now i'm wondering when i can actually use them. i'll have to consult my midwest gardening book. or just ask cassie.

in other news...

i repotted the zamioculcas zamiifolia plant big cass gave the kids. (this picture is hilarious to me). it grew quite well in their room for the last month or so, but now it needs more room to flourish. i am very pleased with this little guy and look forward to all of his coming leaves. i was worried about uprooting him, but believed cassie when she said it shouldn't be a problem. turns out the little bulbs have roots, but i think everything turned out alright.

i actually repotted the repotted z.z. because after i put it in the terra-cotta pot i noticed the pot was dirty. and orange. and then i realized this would not work in tom's house. i think the look on cassie's face says it all. sorry honey, my mistake.

i found another, more attractive pot, in the garage and put the plant in there. i'm relieved to have made the save before the little guy moved into the house in his unsightly orange container. the kids seem pretty happy with the new situation too. when i water the plant  the kids ask about him (just as in some people's minds all dogs are boys and cats are girls, green leafing plants are boys and flowering plants are girls). most common question: is he not dying? this is in reference to the flowers that tom gets me. sometimes i put some of the flowers in their room, but since they're cut flowers they only last so long. it's a sad question really, and i'm trying to reassure them that this z.z. plant, also known as the eternity plant, will be just fine for a while.

i'll be honest, i'm a little overwhelmed by the possibilities with this new "blogger in draft" set-up but here's the first attempt. you would think i'd love it since the background is wood and if you'll remember my previous header was of our wood floor. one thing i am pleased with is that this new background scrolls down with the posts. if you put a background on with that "cutest blog on the block" the background stays the same even when you scroll down and it bothers my eyes. with these new options i should be excited, but have you clicked on the background option? there are quite possibly 400 different choices! and changing text color isn't as self-explanitory as i would like. they don't mean what they say, or say what they mean.

on top of that i'm a little particular about the color of the post font; i want it to be readable, as well as the sidebars, and i don't know that i'm satisfied with what i've chosen. and then there's the header: i think any kind of fancy header might be too busy so i'm stuck with plain text. agh!

all this to say, don't be surprised if i go back to the old layout, or just leave it like this for years to come.

but here's something i've settled on: mr. stainless steel kenmore. while we weren't wanting a new refrigerator we got one anyway and i must say, the water is a nice feature. sam might miss opening the door in that awkward way to get water but i think the rest of us enjoy the new simplicity. come try it out, it's delicious.

what adventures we've had. this weekend i decided enough is enough, no more diapers. and viola, cassie agreed with me. i started her off in what you might call training pants, something like underwear with a little more cloth to absorb some but not all of the pee. she had three accidents on friday but on saturday she started to get the hang of it and realized it wasn't so scary to pee in the potty. and sunday morning she came into our room andn woke us up saying "i have to go potty." she put the "potty sitter" on the toilet, moved the stool, dropped her drawers and peed. all the while tom and i layed in bed staring at each other. not only that, but her diaper was dry from a whole night. since then she had one half poop accident (i caught her in the act and she finished on the toilet) and no pee problems. she'll be moving on to underwear soon!

there's nothing as cute as kids wearing underwear and if the internet wasn't so creepy and a little more private i would post some photos of their skinny bums in undies, but you'll have to settle for these.

early this morning maas and i loaded up the kids for a little day trip to wichita. we had one goal in mind: chicken little starring mark(us parkus) maasen. and it was worth it. i think maas and i laughed more than the kids, or anyone else for the matter. the jokes were bad, like when ducky lucky comes out and yells, "DUCK!" and the other characters all...duck. we laughed out loud. but nothing was funnier than when mark broke character on stage. the actors take liberty a bit with the script and ad-lib or change things around sometimes and he was having a hard time holding it in.

one of the highlights was the kids' excitement. we got to eat pizza before the show and while we were eating cassie asked probably a dozen times, "where's chicken little?" she has such a good ear too that when mark made an announcement with the microphone cassie knew is was him without being able to see him. she asked me, "was that mork?" wyatt's enthusiasm carried over to the end of the show when he got his picture taken with chicken little ("i'm not a chicken, i'm a chicken hawk") AND the king. unfamiliar people in weird costumes. notice the hand on mark's shoulder! he was stoked about the king because that's right up his playmobil alley. i think it was a real treat for him to meet a king. his joy, however, did not last long enough to have his photo taken with henny penny (totally hilarious character) and turkey lurkey. i think it was the animal costumes that started to weird him out but i'm proud just the same. cass, on the other hand, wanted nothing to do with any of them. she clams up around strangers. if she's like her brother she'll probably outgrow it, slowly.
here's mark as goosey loosey with wolf disguised as a police officer and henny penny, who thinks the sky is falling. it's a different tale of chicken little, but rest assured, the sky doesn't fall on henny penny either. at one point goosey loosey and henny penny bump knuckles, which maas decided was ridiculous (but hilarious). she suggested maybe a claw bump. and not only does mark act (he was goosey loosey and chicken little), sing and dance but he also does set design. he did the set for this production, and it was pretty great. he's moving to kc in a few weeks and i know the tblake family is praying he'll get some great gigs here in town and that we'll get to see him perform again. bravo, mark!

we wrapped up tom's birthday with a bang, but not the good kind of bang that makes you go "ooh. ahh." more that type that makes you want to scream. our refrigerator stopped working. tom reached into the freezer to get some ice and got a handful of water. and so we are getting a new fridge.

just last week he asked me, "what would you do to change the kitchen?" and i told him i really like my kitchen. the appliances work great. if i could change anything: an espresso machine (check), stainless steel appliances (purely aesthetic), a big range with a grill option (like my parents'). a new refrigerator was not on my list. but now i'm getting one. it's kind of exciting, but hard to enjoy since work has been slow at the tblake household and i was really hoping to use the birthday money for a dosing grinder, not an ice box.

trusty sam came over to help us figure out what was wrong with the refrigerator. he decided it was the compressor (confirmed by handy man jim next door) and pulled his first shot. classic sam and coffee.

in less dramatic news, although maybe not, wyatt is a short-hair again. it's already so warm here that his thick hair is making him sweat. it seems very uncomfortable. the kid's hair is dense. we borrowed matt's clippers and buzzed it off. wyatt calls it the "buzzer" and he doesn't necessarily enjoy it since he has to sit there long enough for me to trim up the hair and then use the "buzzer". but he looks adorable and he won't sweat nearly as much.

i think the shorter hair shows off his eyelashes, but you'll have to see him in person to notice. i love his short hair.

"i'm 33." tom was adamant about his age today when we got out of the van this morning. i am well aware of his age, it's his birthday for goodness sake. his statement was in response to all of the familiar cars parked on our street. a surprise to him, a relief to me. as we got the kids out of the van we could hear the excited voices coming through the open windows.

he was all golly-shucks and hugs as he walked through the house. at bill's beckoning he sat down on the sunporch and opened a large box. nothing but total surprise as he pulled out bag after bag of green coffee beans. and then the roaster.

it all started to make sense but then he opened up a box from sam and cassie and saw a steaming pitcher and espresso shot glasses. and kate gave him little spoons. accessories for an espresso machine, not a roaster.

"great!" he said. " i can bring these over to bill's house." or...

he can use his own espresso machine that bill engineered! his level of excitement was only overshadowed by his total embarassment. he couldn't (and still can't) believe that there's a roaster and an espresso machine in our home. and they're ours. for keeps.

i'm also really excited about the machines. every day, right around 3 o'clock i get a little tired and it's too late to take a nap. i'm also trying to watch the calories that i drink, so the shot of espresso will be a wonderful pick-me-up. this will be a delicious adventure. and we're both looking forward to having a lot of people over for espresso on the sunporch.

pulling the first shot.

in a sadder note, i gave tom demi cups prior to the big event. i told him it was to build his hope to one day have a machine (wink wink). but when maasen unpacked them to put them out for use one of them was broken. and come to find out he doesn't like the color. so we'll be returning them for a different set. but it was a good idea, right?

the windows are open. i am prepared to turn the fans on tomorrow if we reach the 70's. i'm hoping to get some lettuce into the ground this week. springtime.

in case you missed it, i posted about colorado, but in the vein of blogger complications, it is after the passover post. that's what i get for planning ahead.

wyatt crossed the street by himself for the first time today. i stood on the edge of our driveway, watching my little guy make a big move. he is a rule follower, careful and smart, so when i told him he could cross alone he was filled with excitement and caution. once he made it across he smiled his adorable grin and said, "mama! no cars!" i was so proud and so sad. he walked down the sidewalk to harrison's house and kept turning around and waving, saying "bye, mama!" tom watched from the window and hollered out at him, too. when he saw tom wyatt's face lit up again and he waved, proud of his accomplishment and glad his papa saw it.

i don't know what i'm going to do when he goes off to preschool in the fall. i wasn't anxious to put him in school; i love the time we have together and i wish i had more. i must get this from my mother. she wasn't in any hurry to send me off. even though i didn't like having braces up until my sophomore year, orthodontist appointments allowed us to spend some special time together, going to lunch and stopping at thift stores. we have fun memories just the two of us, cutting class.

so in the fall cass and i will walk with wyatt down the street to his new school and for two and half hours we'll find ourselves without our wy-wy. i don't know who will miss him more...

the eve of passover. yom tov.

less than two weeks ago we were in colorado, bundling up and enjoying the mountains. i spent two days out on my snowboard, or what i thought was my snowboard but it turns out it's really sarah's. long story.

all you need to know is that after ten years of hibernation i made it down the mountain painlessly, and backwards. and then i got my bindings fixed and it was even more fun.
tom took care of the kids while i enjoyed my old ski runs with my family. they sledded at the mountain and made lego ships and watched hoops.

i got to watch abbie learn how to ski and that was thrilling. she picked it up so quickly and made all of us proud. from 5 year old abbie to 73 year old uncle jack we covered the hills of winter park.
we also met rachel's boyfriend e.j. and even though she is a skier, e.j. knows the fun stuff happens on a board. he took jumps every chance he got and when he didn't land them it didn't matter, he got back up and tried the next one. it was a lot of fun getting to know him and laughing on the chairlift together.

the highlight for me was hanging out with rachel. we're happy that she loves it in colorado, but if there was a way to bring the mountains to merriam we would.

we also ate a lot while we were there, each of us making different meals, but i don't have any photos to show of the food. but believe me, it was delicious.

we're approaching six months without ezekiel and i just wanted to say thank you to everyone for supporting us and loving us. as i finish up the last of the thank you cards (what a weird thing) and grieve all over again i am reminded that there are things to be thankful for. sometimes i don't want to be thankful but today i will say thank you one more time...for the people who loved on zeke before he was born, who held him and prayed for him and then helped celebrate his life, you are important to us. for the people who sent meaningful cards, flowers, gift cards, meals --thank you. for the people who continue to pray and ask how we're doing and really mean it, thanks.

every day is uncertain, every breath a blessing. we're reminded things could be better, but they could also be worse. so give thanks for anything that makes your life better, or worse, and remember that it's all a gift.

wyatt's 4th birthday party. he almost cried when he thought he had to eat cake.

cassie's 3rd birthday party. she loved having everyone sing to her. she almost cried when i told her she couldn't have any more cake.

he got at least one professional shoot in with his auntie sarah for his first birthday. the boy looks good.

has anyone noticed the suggestions for labels in regards to posts on blogger? right below where i'm typing (you won't be able to see it once i post) it says:

Labels for this post:
e.g. scooters, vacation,fall

who is posting about scooters so much that it needs its own label? what kind of scooters are we talking about? whether it's ones with wheels or the chain coffee company, i don't believe these are worth labeling. wouldn't vehicles or coffee suffice?

also, f.y.i.: if you haven't posted in the last month you have a few more days to make the cut off before being cut off. the side bar is already getting cleaned up. did you notice?

when i was in college i had some great roommates. in the end i think i had 7 roommates and they were all wonderful girls. the last two years in manhattan i lived in a house that we called the blue bungalow. it was not a bungalow, it was a two story blue house with a big front porch. maeret could give you details on what a bungalow consists of; our house was not one. it was a catchy name. and it stuck.

my junior year we decided to get a dog. our neighbors bred boxers and all the puppies sold except the runt. she was a cutie and our sweet neighbors (bonnie and what were her husband and son's name...bri would remember) decided to give us this unwanted puppy. being music people we thought of several options but settled on rhoadie. i added the 'rh' because it reminded me of rhoda from the mary tyler moore show.

the story is funny only because it wasn't just the girls in the house who took care of the dog (although one roommate was not thrilled about the dog, she did tolerate rhoadie. as a puppy she was adorable so it wasn't too hard of a sell). there were three boys that also became co-owners. they were great boys, coming to take her for walks, teaching her tricks, taking her out in the snow when we didn't want to. we decided it was only fair to name her after all of her owners: rhodie mcwiebingtonfranzirwinschrag.

i think of this name only because as i type maas sits to my right and cassie sits across from me. we all have our computers out. we're talking and not talking and that's okay. tom and sam are sitting on the couch talking. it's this fun college-life feeling. the only difference is we're all really tired and it's only 10:30. it's a given that the tblakes and maasen hang out a lot, we are roommates. sam and cassie make their way over to mastin street quite frequently. the five of us watch ku games together, we eat supper, play games, hang out. yuma tries to tell the v.b.s she would love to move to their duplex. sometimes cassie uses us for our free wireless internet. and we're ok with that.

maas calls sam and cass the friday night roommates because we frequently have sabbath supper together. the reality is we hang out more than just fridays. it would be funny to have a name, especially since the v.b.s have two last names and some people think maasen's first name is maasen and don't know what her last name is. her real name is angela jean maasen but maasen jean rolls off the tongue quite nicely.

i am suggesting the van maasblakes. and if we wanted to add the folks over at 6857 that would be easy: p.t. van weltonmaasblakes. that has a good ring to it.

this creates a bigger question: what would be the collective name for all the people in our community? sometimes invitations or thank yous come for the community and they are addressed to kingdom living. this is the easy way out and i'm curious, what is the collective name for k.l.?

warning: i'm in clean-up mode. i realize that some of you might not have the time to post, but if you don't update your blog soon your link over there on the right side is going to get axed. you know who you are.

i'm getting tired of the clutter.

for a while i put real lemon in my water to spice up the no coke routine. the kids thought this was a fabulous new drink and begged to try lemons. not in their own water to drink, but straight, undiluted lemons to suck on. they asked:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rHQz5mwa1Ls

sorry you can't watch it directly here. i don't know what's wrong with my technology skills. i can't get it loaded. trust me, this is worth checking out. and while you're there you should check out the older videos. wow, we laughed a lot.

i enjoy layout and design, but the problem is i have very few great photographs. i don't have the eye for it. i suppose that's why i enjoyed working for kelly jackson. i love a great photograph. and speaking of (what a great segue [what a weird spelling!]) this is a great new site by the girls: http://beautythrualens.tumblr.com/ these photographs are wonderful and creative. i look forward to checking it often to see what brilliant new views they come up with.

as for life at the tblake house:
cassie is officially three, but not any closer to wanting to go potty on the toilet. i am not sure what to do to encourage her in this area. she is intelligent and independent so i've been telling her she's in charge of her potty, but it's a tough sell. she is, however, very good at telling me after she has pooped and whether her diaper has poop, pee or both. nice, huh?

wyatt is learning to write his letters and counts pretty well. if i set something up and ask him to count it he goes very slowly, putting his index finger on each item. i wish there was some way i could describe how long and drawn out his counting is, but you'll have to hear it for yourself.

we brought out the electric piano (aka keyboard) this week. it was a gift from my parents at christmas and i finally broke down and opened it up. surprisingly it's not so annoying. wyatt loves to turn on the beats and then play. he puts it on what he calls "rock and roll". that's my son. and cass can't help herself, when she hears a beat she wiggles her little booty. we've been practicing notes, doing the scale and she has amazing pitch. i look forward to them growing in their musical sensibilities. i pray uncle eric and uncle sam-bo will step in and help them.

speaking of (again, smooth transition), i would really love it if mr. simon and mr. van buskirk (note: two names, not one, not three) would record some music. i'm putting it out there. i've said it several times and it seems like we're not any closer to having their tunes on our ipod. frankly i'm a little disappointed. i know e-train has a new baby, and sammy has a new wife, but i also know there are at least 20 other people who would love to have their tunes playing in their homes. i'm calling you out, boys.

i suppose we're doing alright in the tblake home. well, i guess i'm doing alright. tom still has aches from his car accident and continues to see the chiropractor. he's been working this week and i'm not sure that's a good thing for his body, but it's a good thing for our bills. we're praying for a new line of work and he's looking into some things but we're still totally clueless as to the next step. though our faith has increased during this season of grief and waiting, our patience is getting stretched and i (i should only speak for myself) am getting tired of the uncertainty. the adventure continues and i'm sure i will look back one day and be thankful for this part of the journey, but i'm ready to turn the page.

yesterday i realized why i don't eat lunch with my children. i used to think it was because i didn't want to have to talk during the meal. i just wanted quiet time to read my book and enjoy my food. now i realize it's because i want to eat.

i served the kids first: turkey, cheese, grapes. this kept them occuppied long enough for me to make a sandwich for myself. but as soon as i sat down they needed more water. then more grapes. and some more cheese. and a little bit of turkey. i took two bites here, a bite there, and became so frustrated that i gave up.

i'm a foodie. anytime i invest energy into a meal i want to enjoy it. on occassion i make meals i don't particularly enjoy and then the desire to relish in it isn't as strong, but i still like to eat without having to get up every two minutes.

so even though it's more socially ideal to eat lunch with the kids, this has become a joke and i will go back to my old ways of holding off my hunger until they are snuggled in their beds for naptime. then i will enjoy my book and get out of my chair only for dessert.

in a somewhat unrelated event, here's cassie pouting because it's not time to eat the challah bread yet. this is one of the kids' favorite foods. last time i made sweet challah (raisins and cinnamon inside) wyatt ran around the house giving me and tom kisses and yelling, "sweet challah! sweet challah!" (the round loaf is the sweet one. wyatt doesn't like the regular kind. cassie is like her father, she'll eat anything i make.)

wyatt is now four years old and his baby book is still only a half-finished project. i'm not sure now is the best time to do this, but i'm going to try to finish his first year. i realize this will be a bittersweet endeavor. i am thankful for my children and the time i've had with them, so i will try to complete their books this year and give thanks for them. along with that i will post some photos because it's amazing to see how much they change.

when wyatt was born tom called him viejo, old man in spanish. it stuck for a few months and we still laugh about it. he's come a long way in four years and we love all the little things that make him our wyatt william.

most amazing photos are courtesy of sarah sorell, sorellimages.com

the sun is just now coming up but the clouds only reveal a gray sky. thinking that tom and i are still asleep, the kids are in their room playing "family". this involves one of cassie's babies (usually crying or disobeying). cass is usually the mama and wyatt plays the role of brother or papa. they both pretend to be the baby when it comes to crying. i wish you could hear their conversation. their little voices are loaded with emotion and pretend maturity.

these are the moments that are wonderful to witness. since they think we're still sleeping they play in their room, giving us some extra sleep time before they come in our room with either one of two concerns: they are hungry or wyatt needs his bottom wiped. cassie is usually the carrier of the bottom news, as wyatt is sitting on the toilet. and they usually go to papa for this.

so why am i awake already if papa is the early bird? i've been sick lately, a subtle constant that lingers with me. i have trouble breathing, usually in the morning or later at night. so when i awoke at 6 this morning i decided to get up and change the look of canoeamericana.

here it is.

i know some of you check this because you live out of state and are interested in what's going on in our lives. or you want to make sure we're doing alright. we're doing alright. we've been better, but we've also been worse.

we're looking forward to today.